


Lost and Found

by spiritualmachines



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, One Shot, POV Third Person, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2019-05-25 06:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14970788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritualmachines/pseuds/spiritualmachines
Summary: Excerpt:But the view is always skewed when you’re on the outside looking in.Prompt: BreakfastPhoto:Click





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> *This story is from Taylor's POV.

Taylor grew up having what many considered to be the perfect life. He was good-looking, talented, successful, and well-liked. He never had to work very hard for anything, but that didn’t stop him from giving his all to every task he set out to accomplish. He was a go-getter through a through, a shining example of a human being, and some seemed to truly think that everything he touched turned to gold.

But the view is always skewed when you’re on the outside looking in.

A cruel twist of fate didn’t take away from the fact that he was remarkably handsome and driven and possessed skills that so many other people would kill to have. But it _did_ take away the two things that meant the most to him—his wife and child.

Taylor grew up believing in karma; but instead of fearing it, like many do, he chose to embrace it. He genuinely liked other people, you see, and he enjoyed bettering the world around him. So when he wasn’t busy at his day job (a career in music which shaped the lives of others in its own right), he spent his time reaching out to various charities and trying to make a difference.

He grew up believing that what goes around comes around, and that good things happen to good people. So when he received the phone call that shot right through his heart as well as the center of his world, he refused to listen to the tear-filled voice across the line.

No, a taxi hadn’t crashed into a bus at the corner of 61st and Yale that afternoon. No, his wife hadn’t been pushing the stroller containing their precious daughter across the street when it happened. Of course they weren’t _dead_. That was impossible.

“I’m so sorry, Tay…”

His sister-in-law’s voice broke then, collapsing into keening sobs, but to Taylor it still wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. It was all just a bad dream, and soon he would be home with their smiling faces again. 

*** * * * ***

The light streaming in through the open curtains cast shadows on the walls that Taylor did not want to see. In the darkness his nightmares haunted him, but in the daylight he had nowhere to hide. 

Burying himself beneath the plush covers on the hotel bed did nothing to help destroy the demons threatening to take over his mind. Nor did the luxuries of the Four Seasons do anything to ease his devastating loneliness. All of the riches in the world couldn’t fill the gaping hole in his life, in his heart.

He was painfully alone.

It had been exactly a year since he received the call—three hundred and sixty-five days of pure and utter hell—but it was still so vivid in his mind that it may as well have happened yesterday. 

He still couldn’t believe that they were gone. Taylor had always possessed an innate sense of confidence, along with level-headed reasoning, but the particular brand of loss he’d endured defied logic and could make even the strongest men crumble. He no longer greeted each new day with the bright, invigorating optimism of someone who wanted to be alive; no, instead he pried his eyelids open out of reluctant necessity, because he knew he had no other choice but to keep on keeping on.

_Next year, for our anniversary, I want you to take me to see the Snake River Valley. I want to soak in the solitude of nature during the day and relax in our amazing room at the Four Seasons at night. We never splurge. But let’s do it just this once._

His wife's words echoed in his head like a gunshot. Their anniversary had come and gone that year without a trip. She had been too pregnant to fly, and once the baby was born, their lives revolved around her and taking a trip alone seemed out of the question. 

He should have known better than to take it all for granted. He’d honestly never meant to, but over time it’s only natural for us to become comfortable in our blessings. And he tried his best to show them that he cared; he really did. But looking back, he felt like kicking himself for not having done more.

As he always did when he was left alone for too long, Taylor started to replay the events of that hellish day back in his head to figure out where he had gone wrong. He must have done _something_ wrong to deserve this kind of pain. He hated to think that way, though. It was selfish. He may not have had much of a life anymore, but he was still alive. And yet, he was wasting away with each passing day.

“I should have been with you,” he whispered into the pillow, choking back a desperate cry. “I should have been with both of you. You must have been so scared, and I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry. I love you so much and I’m so fucking sorry.”

The inevitable tears began to stream down his cheeks, his knees drawing up to his chest as the grief threatened to paralyze him.

A series of knocks at the door made him jump, and he drew the blankets even more tightly around him.

“No housekeeping, please!” he shouted with a note of irritation.

What was the point of offering the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign if they were going to ignore it? 

“Not housekeeping. Room service!” a muffled voice corrected him from the other side of the door. 

“Sorry, I didn’t order any food. You must have the wrong room,” Taylor called back hoarsely.

Instead of going away, the knocking became even more persistent, the voice on the other side of the door becoming louder.

“Special room service delivery for Mr. Hanson!”

“Jesus,” he muttered miserably, tossing the blankets aside and climbing out of bed with a sigh.

Taylor’s grief was quickly manifesting into anger. He had specifically told the front desk clerk upon checking in that he didn’t want maid service for the duration of his stay and that he didn’t wish to be bothered. Taylor could normally handle his fair share of mild annoyances, but on this particular morning, the interruptions were grating on his last nerve.

“I told you I didn’t order any— _Zac_? Ike?” 

Throwing open the door, Taylor had every intention of giving the relentless employee a piece of his mind, but the sight of his brothers in the doorway stunned him into utter speechlessness. 

Suddenly, his brothers were entering the room and a brown paper bag with a familiar logo was being dangled in front of him, the aroma of bacon and biscuits filling his nostrils and making his stomach growl despite himself.

"We brought breakfast," Isaac said, stating the obvious because that’s what he always did when he felt uncomfortable. “I hope you’re hungry.”

Neither one of them mentioned the fact that they were in _Wyoming_ without warning, and that they had likely booked expensive flights to get there. Instead, it was just as if they were back at home in Tulsa, barging in with all sorts of greasy goods like they always used to do. After the accident, despite his family’s fierce protests, Taylor put an end to those semi-regular visits. He told himself that he preferred the lonely solitude of his empty house to any reminders of the happy-go-lucky life he’d once led with such happiness and certainty. But if he were to be honest, his lack of contact with the people he loved was eating him up inside. 

“No worries if you’re not. I’m so hungry right now, I could probably eat a horse,” Zac declared, making himself at home in the center of the bed, his legs dangling carelessly off the sides. 

Taylor was still frozen in place as he watched his little brother dig into the bag, spreading a heaping array of high-calorie breakfast items on the expensive coverlet. Zac had always put a need for food before a desire to be remotely neat, and this was proving to be no exception. However, his mere presence was proof that he had put _Taylor_ before anything else. 

Isaac took the time to remove his jacket and shoes before joining Zac on the bed and selecting a biscuit for himself. 

"He isn't kidding, you know. I had to stop him from eating everything in the elevator on the way up," Isaac remarked. 

“Pfft. Lies!” Zac replied around an unwieldy bite of his sandwich, sending crumbs flying in every which direction.

Taylor almost laughed when Isaac picked up an already empty wrapper as proof before throwing it at Zac's head. Moments later there was another knock at the door, causing Taylor’s brow to furrow in puzzlement until he opened it to find that it actually was room service this time.

"Large pot of coffee, sir."

Stepping aside to let him roll the cart into the room, Taylor watched with disbelieving eyes as Zac, of all people, stood up to tip the man before setting about pouring him a large cup. Still feeling more than a little shell-shocked, Taylor leaned against the wall and took a sip of the black, steaming liquid, allowing it to warm his insides (although he was beginning to doubt that anything resembling warmth would ever reach his heart again).

"I was doing some research on the plane, and I read that in the winter, the sunsets here are just unreal, and there’s a period of time where the entire river is bathed in a beautiful pink light," Isaac said, finishing off his sandwich before pouring his own cup of coffee. "Zac packed your camera, so if you’re feeling up for it, we can go for a hike after lunch and make it there by sundown."

Taylor broke off a piece of a hash brown and chewed it thoughtfully, considering the offer. He’d holed himself up in this private room with the intention of wallowing in the love he’d lost and would never find again, and part of him wanted to stick to that original plan. But the other part of him—the part that reminded him of the determined, bright-eyed man he used to be—was begging Taylor to set it free after a year of sore neglect, and he wasn’t sure he could ignore it any longer. Plus, he couldn’t very well kick his brothers out… not after they’d flown all the way out here just to be with him.

“Okay,” Taylor decided upon draining the last of his coffee. “Let’s do it.” 

*** * * * ***

The serenity of being out in nature as the sun was going down was a feeling that could not be recreated in any sort of artificial setting. Taylor had been thankful to have his camera with him as soon as Isaac and Zac had gotten him out of the hotel. 

However, certain scenes were infinitely more stunning through a clear, unobstructed view instead of through a lens. When dusk fell and the world turned a breathtaking shade of blush, the snow nearly glowing on the barren branches, Taylor had snapped a few photos before letting the camera fall around his neck as he took a deep breath. 

His brothers were nearby, but they were both uncharacteristically quiet—it was as if they truly understood how fragile and precious these moments were to him, and were silently encouraging him to take all the time he needed.

It had been a year, yet he hadn’t taken the time to properly grieve. He’d spent most of the last 365 days in denial that it had even happened rather than moving into acceptance that he would never see them again. Truth be told, he would give anything just to hear them both laugh, but all he had left in that respect were videos on his phone and computer as well as the memories that lived on in his mind.

Sitting down on the cold, hard ground, he pulled his knees up to his chest and stared out at the water. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, echoing his words from earlier in the morning. “I don’t know how to live without you. I haven’t truly lived since the day you were stolen away from me. This isn’t what you would want for me and I know that. I know, but it is just so hard. I love you so much.”

The words echoed off his lips as the tears once again began to fall. This time instead of trying to figure out why it had happened, he cried for release. His entire body shook with the sobs and he didn’t fight it. Tilting his head up to the heavens, he fought to come to terms with what he had lost. 

Eventually the tears slowed and his breathing once again returned to normal as he felt a reassuring calm settle over him. He then felt Isaac and Zac on either side of him, wrapping him in their warm, strong arms for comfort.

In the aftermath of the accident, he had pushed them away but yet there they were unwavering. Instead of shrinking away from the love they were radiating, he leaned into them and finally allowed someone to take care of him. 

“It's okay,” he whispered, more to himself than to them. “I’m going to be okay."

It was then that he felt his forehead come to rest against Isaac’s cheek while Zac’s nose pressed against his neck. Reaching for their arms, he pulled them closer and closed his eyes. 

The love that he had felt for his wife and daughter would never be replaced, but that was no reason to live the rest of his life in solitude. They wouldn't want that for him. He knew he would never be able to move on, but it was time for him to rise above his sadness and move forward, He’d wasted enough time as it was. 

Taking in another deep breath, he let go of his fears and let his brothers' arms surround him. Maybe he would never truly be okay again, but for the first time in a year, he felt like he might be able to get a shred of that person back. That guy who looked forward to every glamorous sunrise and sunset and all of the noteworthy in-betweens. That guy who knew how to make the most of life, even when it was trying to get the best of him. That guy who enjoyed a good bacon-and-egg sandwich with an incredible side of sunset.


End file.
